Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Getting Back On Track

So I have lost myself worrying about others & not dealing with the things in life that make me happy. Simple things. Playing outside with my boys, thrift store shopping, photography, painting & all these new crafts I'm getting my hands into! I've been doing them, but I noticed that at some point it all became a distraction from my stresses. I have no control over fate. I have choices in life, but only when it applies to ME. Anyway, getting back to the basics. I'm sure the dudes in my house will be stoked about that;-)

.....RIGHT after I wrote that, the floodgates opened. I went in to meet John in the doctor's office. While there we found out he has the flu, which caused pneumonia, extremely high blood pressure (again), which cause them to do an EKG. We then found out the results of that were not good. She said she was very concerned with what she saw. Of course, my heart sank. She believes his heart has already been "damaged". Those were her words. He has to see a cardiologist. She used the word fatal & it did not make me happy. That is if he doesn't make some dramatic changes, which he will dammit! After walking out of there i turned my phone on to hear my brother's voice, telling me he got the results from the PET scan back. I called him. The cancer has spread to his para aortic lymphnodes & still in the lymphnodes of his groin area.  let me speed this up, mommyhood calls. Got home, dropped my phone in the toilet, after using it, quickly grabbed my phone, went to wash hand to find the water cut off. There is a hydrant gone mad on my street. My phone is fried. Went to pick up meds in drive through, didn't have all of it. Went to get Luke from preschool, then to get a new phone that I have no money for, denied since it was under the hubby's name. Wow, that didn't feel like I was below him at all;) Went to get the rest of hubby's meds, not ready. I was about to snap & I remembered I had an old tire. Haha,, yes, that cheered me up. I grabbed it & some rope, then hung it under a cool tree in our backyard. Luke thought I was the coolest mom ever. Really, it's cuz I am;)

That pulled me out of my funk. My husband & I actually had a good night together. I think it was a million times better because neither of us was stressing all he stressful things. I felt like a team with him... And we were both loopy:) Oh yeah!! I forgot to add the fact that before the tire swing, I got a letter in the mail saying Boone's insurance was terminated! These people are ridiculous!! Won't return my calls. It's OK, I'm doing my part & the rest God will take care of...

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