Friday, September 10, 2010

Stay sane, right?

So you know how I say if it doesn't take your (or the ones you love) last breath, who cares? Well, I just found out my brother, who has stage 3 melanoma, found a lump again. It's his lymphnodes. That's how he found it last time before they cut it out. Gave him a 50/50 chance of it coming back. He opted out of chemo, which is completely his choice to make. I watched my mom suffer with cancer, but she put up a good fight. I hate that my "little" brother has to do this mess too. I think the part that bothers me the most is that I worry about his mental strength. He's not much on fighting the negative crap that comes your way. He "escapes". I get it. I've been there, but luckily my stubborness & support has taken me on a different road. I wish I could fight for him. So I guess the cancer doesn't scare me as much as his outlook on life. I know he CAN beat it. Just don't know if he's willing to jump through the hoops. It's a lot of work along with being
my bro
scary as hell. If it helps to make this all make more sense, he's also a heroine addict. He's in a program & says he's doing better, but he needs to be clean! Otherwise he's just literally feeding the cancer. Ugh.

Nice, I wrote that a few hours ago. Now after a playdate, I walk in to find a puddle on my dining room floor. The ceiling is about to fall. Haha. Maybe I should video tape it;)

Sent from my walkie talkie


  1. Love the mess outta you too, beautiful!

  2. Nothing hurts worse than watching someone self-destruct. On a whole bunch of different levels, it can tear up the loved ones. It seems so simple to us, but they are stuck in a nasty place in their own minds. All we can do is pray.