Saturday, October 9, 2010

Much Better

OK, much is a little bit of a stretch. I am better though. Today my mother-in-law scooped up my 3.5 year old. The "high needs" son. I'm actually getting things done & the house is very calm. I am still tending to Boone, the 1 yr old, but he's pretty chill...very chill actually. 

I probably sound like I have negative feelings about my older boy. They are not toward him at all. It's not his fault, he's only a child. My beauuutiful child. He has been diagnosed with a pretty bad tic disorder. Joining that are night terrors, hyperactivity, INSANE tantrums, OCD (not diagnosed, yet) & anxiety. I have & do suffer most of that. Yep, he's a lot like his mommy x100! 

Since he was a baby he was colicky. I did everything. Read "Happiest Baby On the Block" (I read a ton of books really) & practiced what it said...all of the S's. I wore him, nursed him on demand, let him sleep with me. Nothing really stopped the crying. Hindsight I believe it was his personality mixed with our diet. Dairy seems to be an issue in this house. I cut it out after my chill 2nd boy started crying non stop & BAM, he was back to being chill in a couple weeks after the protein left my body...then his. Anytime I ate/drank dairy, it was days of screaming from tummy pain. I think there is more to Luke's issues than just dairy too. Obviously after years of constant battle with my son's hard times, I've done a ton of research. Still in the process actually. I have found the Feingold Association very helpful. /I haven't done the elimination process yet, with the exception of additives/preservatives/nitrates/etc, and I've seen dramatic changes. It is nuts the change in him when something slips by me & he eats fake anything! There are times his pupils are even dilated during "hyperactivity". You can really see a difference in him being normal toddler hyper & that. You can tell he can't stop himself. Ugh, It's heartbreaking. Stressful as hell too.

I used to be accused of being the reason he was like he was. I held him too much, I coddled him, and so on. I knew it wasn't so. As a mother I'm a fair balance between nurturing, structured, & firm. I could always use more of that there patience, but what mother couldn't, right?  Now after Boone I know for sure it wasn't/isn't so. I parented him the same. Night & day. I also knew something was off. I felt like I got the "you're just having the 1st time mommy worries" look. I mean, I was, but there was more too. Intuition. He has been having tics since he was 7 months old. That is extremely young. He had a EEG to rule out seizures. 

Let me stop rambling now. I really just wanted to give whoever might read my mess the quickest outline of my stresses revolving my son, Luke. I love him soooooo much & he is beautiful for so many reasons, but it's hard. It's a constant battle. He's worth it though. I'll fight 'til the day I die for these boys.


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